We know from this chapter that God intends for us to grow into maturity in Christ. We have been made new, according to the likeness of Jesus Christ, but as we talked about last week, we need to work on learning these new ways and putting them into practice. We need to put off the old self and put on the new. We saw at the beginning of this chapter that the foundation of the Christian life is humility. Next up would be honesty, transparency. We have everything we need for life and godliness, and that includes our brothers and sisters in Christ. But if we aren’t going to be honest with them, transparent, then we will not be able to help them grow and they will not be able to help us grow in maturity. Without honesty, there is no meaningful fellowship as believers. And without humility, there is no meaningful honesty. So let’s spend a few minutes talking about that. From Ephesians 4:25.

Liars?

²⁵ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

Again, Paul doesn’t make this optional: “Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor.”

Does anyone in here feel like you have a problem with lying? Or does it come pretty naturally?

No, I mean, do any of you feel like you are often inclined to lie to people around you?

The underlying Greek here translated “falsehood” means a falsehood, an untruth, a lie. If we use that expanded definition, would you say you are tempted at times to convey falsehoods, untruths, half-truths?

Actually, notice that Paul doesn’t say that we need to stop lying, but that we need to put off falsehoods, lies, untruths. Do you allow untruths and falsehoods to exist between you and others? Maybe you don’t actually lie, but do you withhold truth? Do you withhold information? Do you allow untrue information between you and others?

Have you ever said, “I’m fine,” when someone asked you how you were doing, and you weren’t actually doing fine? Did you just lie, then?

Why do we do that? Why do we cut people off like that? Why do we keep people at arm’s length and not speak the truth to them?

I know there are many legitimate answers to that question. That particular question is more often just a greeting, not a genuine question. So you respond with the other part of the greeting, “I’m fine,” and the greeting is complete. I understand that.

But why do we do it to the other people in this room?

Who’s My Neighbor?

I stopped my quote above at the word “neighbor,” but Paul clarifies that he’s not talking about the Good Samaritan kind of neighbor—the everyone’s-your-neighbor neighbor. He’s talking about a very specific group of people who are a very special kind of neighbor. He’s talking about the members of your Christian fellowship, our little body of believers, our little body of Christ.

This command isn’t to inform our interactions with everyone, though in truth, we should not be known for our falsehood among non-believers, but Paul’s point, his goal in giving this command doesn’t fully apply to our inter-relations with unbelievers.

When it comes to the people in this room, we’re to put off falsehood and speak truthfully to each other.

Look around the room. Look at the people in here. Is there anything that you’re not willing to share with anyone else in this room? Yes? No? Are there limits to what you would tell some of the people in this room? Yes? No?

If there are limits, then you are maintaining a degree of falsehood with these most precious and most important neighbors. You realize if every one of us in this room has truly accepted Christ as Savior and Lord, then you will share eternity with them? There’s no getting away from them. And they’ll be some of the first people you recognize in the Kingdom of Christ!

But are they your closest friends and neighbors? Are they your truest brothers and sisters? Praise God for the blood siblings we have who trust in Christ, but do we fellowship regularly with them?

Funny thing about family. Everyone knows everything about everyone. And you still claim them and accept them as family. Nothing can break that tie, right?

That’s what Paul’s saying here. I’ve said it before: The people in this room should be more family to you than even your own flesh-and-blood, even if your own flesh-and-blood believes in Jesus, because they’re not here. They’re not growing together with you. They’re somewhere else, hopefully in a solid church getting good teaching and being challenge to grow together with the believers of their fellowship. But you’re not there and they’re not here!

They’re not here with us today or week after week or in our Bible studies, so we’re not learning the same things, being pushed in the same direction, at the same time. Surely they’re growing, but they’re not growing together with you. Unless you spend all kinds of time together with them throughout the week, sharing all the things God’s teaching you and hearing all the things God’s teaching them.

Jesus made this point clear when He said about His own blood mother, sister and brothers:

Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you." He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." (Matthew 12:47-50, NIV)

Jesus wasn’t denying that Mary was His earthly mother. And He wasn’t denying that His half-brothers and half-sisters were flesh-and-blood relations. He was saying that since they weren’t following along with Him, they weren’t the closest and most important people in His life. Rather, His disciples were. All those people who were leaving home and lands and family and friends in order to follow Jesus and learn from Him. These were the most precious people in His life.

Look around the room again. That’s how God wants us to see one another.

Let me ask you again: Is there anything that you’re not willing to share with anyone else in this room? Are there limits to what you would tell some of the people in this room?

If there are, then we’re not seeing each other as God wants us to see each other. We’re not committed to each other as God intends for us to be. We’re not loving and caring for one another as God wants us to do. We don’t need each other the way God wants us to need each other. So Paul’s command to put off falsehood and speak truthfully to each other is very much for you and me.

Two Kinds

There are actually two aspects to this truth-speaking Paul is talking about, and I’ve been speaking thus far mostly about one of these aspects. There is the revealing truth about ourselves, that’s the transparency side of truth-speaking. Letting others know the truth about us, which is letting others know us in truth. The other side is telling people the things they need to hear (but may not want to) so they can grow in Christlikeness.

The goal of both is to grow into the maturity of Christ. Others need to know us as well as they can, so they can help us as effectively as possible. And when we see a brother or sister in need, in error, in sin—and they seem completely unaware or lackadaisical in dealing with it, we need to step up and speak truth to them.

You cannot imagine baring your soul to the people in this room—unless you are committed to humility. And you probably shouldn’t be pointing out others’ faults unless you’ve embraced humility. Our own humility should fill us with mercy toward one other as we exercise our honesty.

Helping others grow in Christlikeness, receiving help to grow in Christlikeness requires vulnerable honesty, as well as the giving and receiving of painful but truthful words.

Who would dare be so vulnerable? Who would dare point out another’s faults?

Avoiding Vulnerability

Why does Paul even need to give such an instruction? Who of us wants to lie?

Can you see, perhaps, why every one of us prefers a cloak of secrecy? Perfers to keep a relational distance from one another? Why we’d rather have people not know the truth about us?

But allowing falsehoods to exist is the same as lying, right? As God’s people, we “must put off falsehood and speak truthfully” to one another.

I don’t pretend to know all the reasons why each one of you prefers a degree of anonymity, but I know some of the reasons I do!

I don’t want you to know the truth about me, because I don’t want you to think less of me! I want you to have a wrong idea of who I am—a better idea of who I am! Even if you think I’m a jerk, that’s actually still way better than if you knew everything about me! Wow! If you could live with me and see all the ugly sides of me that rarely appear outside the doors of my home. And I don’t just mean my wild morning hair!

But isn’t that the same as hypocrisy? So when I allow you to think I’m better than I really am, I’m just being a hypocrite! By hiding certain things from you, I’m making sure you think I’m better than I really am!

I don’t want you to know the truth about me, because I might get in trouble! You might call out my sin! There are things I may be doing that I know for sure are wrong, but my heart is deceitful beyond understanding (Jeremiah 17:9), and I come up with creative ways of justifying my actions. But you may not agree! You might see right through my smoke and mirrors! And call me on the carpet.

Or I may not know for sure something I’m doing is wrong, but I have a feeling that it might not be so great, so I keep it concealed. Because of course I like the behavior. And I’m afraid as soon as you find out, you’ll remove all doubt and call the thing what it really is: sin!

I may want something so badly, something that God hasn’t truly promised me, but neither is it expressly sin, and I’m pursuing a course that is shady at best and maybe downright sinful in order to gain or maintain that thing I want. I don’t want you poking your nose into my business and possibly pointing out the sin of lusting after this thing or the sin I’m committing to obtain it! So I keep you out of the loop.

That reveals how much more I love this world and its treasures than God and His purposes for me, since I’m so willing to fight to have my own way and the things I want. And I’ll doggedly work to keep you out of my business!

As the airport announcer always says, “If you see something, say something!” Well, if I can keep you from seeing something, then you can’t say something!

This is wrong. God’s people aren’t supposed to be like this! Rather, our commitment must be to grow in Christlikeness and forsake the treasures and pleasures of this world for the eternal and righteous treasures and pleasures of the next life, which God has promised us.

Unless I’m willing to humble myself, I’m certainly not willing to open myself up to your examination. If I’m not willing to open myself up to your examination...then there’s probably something I actually am hiding—and it surely must be wrong. I’m intent on having my way, and am unwilling to bend even if I know God hates it!

As Proverbs 18:1 says, “An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.” Why’s he unfriendly? Because he doesn’t want anyone messing in his business!

But isn’t it such a relief when something we know is wrong comes to light? We not longer have to expend all that energy trying to keep others out, and we can face our sin and deal with it!

Proverbs 28:13 (NIV) teaches us that “He who conceals his sin does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

Confessing sin so as to renounce it is the path to finding mercy—from God and from those who love God. But not always from those who hate God.

This kind of commitment to hide myself shows my immaturity, like a little child trying to avoid getting in trouble. It reveals an unrepentant spirit. Do I even recognize the blood of Jesus Christ, shed for my sins on the cross? Do I appreciate the price that was paid for my redemption? Am I both amazed at His love and ashamed of my sin, so that I truly want to break with sin? If not, I don’t deserve the salvation, because I love sin more than Jesus.

There’s another big reason I don’t want to be completely honest with you all. I don’t know what you’ll do with the information I give you! Can I trust you to keep what I tell you in confidence? Or will you go blab it to people I don’t know and don’t know me? Will you or they use it to destroy my reputation? Will they use it against me?

Can I trust you to protect me like you would a member of your own family? We’re supposed to be the closest of families. I should be able to trust you and you should be able to trust me, knowing full well I won’t go telling unconnected and uncommitted people the delicate things you share with me.

This again, perhaps more than any other fear, requires faith and humility. What if I share something with you and you do go blabbing it to someone who will gladly use it against me? So what? Does God still love me? He knew that thing long before anyone else did, and He still loved me and redeemed me, so he won’t turn away from me in embarrassment now that the information has gone public! My salvation doesn’t depend on how well I keep my skeletons in the closet!

Do you think God is suddenly going to realize what a mistake it was for Him to choose us, just because a bunch of people think we’re totally worthless? Because they point out all our faults and mistakes and sins? Will that really surprise God? Remember, “he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight” (Ephesians 1:4, NIV)! Do you think there’s anything He doesn’t already know about us?

Do we trust that God accepts us with all our warts and failings and faults—even if other believers in Jesus reject us? We can trust that He does accept us completely! And that He intends to make us better than we could ever be by our own strength and wisdom! Then all those people who mocked us and cast us aside will be embarrassed by how they treated us, when they see the finished likeness of Christ in us!

Really, this fear for my reputation means I’m more jealous for a false projection of who I really am. I’m more concerned about protecting my reputation than I am about growing up in Christ and establishing a reputation that is truly impeccable! I would rather have a false reputation (better than who I really am) than a true one! Because, obviously, I can get away with being much more lazy about how I actually live.

And what if others choose to use that information against me, to attack me or discredit me or blackmail me or whatever? So what? If others choose to ignore me when I do speak truth, that’s their problem, that’s on them. If I speak God’s truth, and they reject it because of me the messenger, then they’re refusing the most important information for a stupid reason. I am in fact a living example of God’s willingness to save the worst of people!

Paul didn’t shy away from confessing his sin. It didn’t cripple his ministry. It humbled him so that he could reach the humble and contrite, and it showed other terrible sinners that God’s grace was even for them!

You know who refuses to hear truth from an imperfect vessel? The arrogant, the hypocrites who think they’re already so great! Those kinds of people didn’t listen even when Jesus Himself stood before them, preaching to them! They’re the ones who sought to kill Him!

You’re, sadly, wasting your time trying to keep up appearances in hope of winning them to Christ!

Scripture actually tells us multiple times that the more we are committed to following and living like Christ, the more the world will hate us and speak evil of us!

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. (John 15:18-21, NIV)

Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. (1 Peter 2:12, NIV)

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. (1 Peter 3:13-17, NIV)

If we’re so concerned about protecting our legitimate reputation, then we’re going to back off of obedience to Christ, so we don’t stir up the hostility of unbelievers! That’s going backwards, not forwards! That’s preferring a worse reputation in order to be accepted by the world rather than becoming a target of its animosity!

Turning a Blind Eye

The other way we lie to one another is by withholding correction or rebuke when we see a brother or sister in sin. A key purpose of our gathering together as believers is to help each other grow in Christlikeness. That includes receiving correction, but also giving correction. Maybe we can gather enough courage to receive correction, but unless we’re naturally thick-skinned people, we find giving correction even harder!

That’s not to say none of us are very critical people. On the contrary, most of us find it pretty easy to find fault with other people. We see others so clearly! But we’re not necessarily going to say anything to that person! No! Of course not!

Instead, we’ll talk to others we feel safe with, safe to talk about others’ faults in their presence. This is the very reason why we’re so guarded in sharing our weaknesses with each other, because we all share a temptation to talk bad about other people! And if I tell you something in confidence, I’ve just given you something to go tell your closer friends, who love to swap stories about people they hold in contempt.

But that doesn’t help anyone grow in Christlikeness. Rather, that betrays a brother or sister, and it inflames the gossips around us, leading them into greater sin and condemnation.

God actually wants us to help each other grow, so we need to see problems and check with those people with the problems to see if they recognize their problem. If not, well, we’ve done them a favor by pointing it out. If they do recognize their problem, then we can talk with them about ways we can help them overcome their weakness. We’re here to help, not hurt! Help each other grow out of sin and into righteousness—not leave each other in sin and laugh behind their backs!

But when we see something, we’re not likely to say something. Why?

We tell ourselves that it’s because we don’t want them to be embarrassed or feel bad about themselves. We don’t want them to know that others see their faults! We’re trying to protect them, right? Except by turning a blind eye to their sin, we’re encouraging them to keep it up, to heap up judgment against themselves, and if they’re sinning deliberately, they’re going to be cut off from salvation (Hebrews 10:26-27)!

But maybe, secretly, that’s what we desire. They’re insufferable people, can you imagine spending eternity with them? Better they remain in their sin and end up rejected by Christ.

But what if you’re the one? Would you like us all to leave you to be condemned?

What did Jesus teach us? Do to others what you’d like them to do to you (Matthew 7:12). Do you want others to leave you in your sin—so that you too perish? Yikes! No!

But wow, some people can really react defensively! Some people can get really upset if you suggest they’re doing something wrong! Wow! Like a volcanic explosion! Like a nuclear bomb! No wonder no one wants to point out their sin!

Some people are absolutely unwilling to admit they might be wrong, or that there’s any hope for them to change, so you’re just gonna have to put up with them! Well, we might have to put up with them, but God doesn’t!

If that’s you, if that’s me, what are we saying? We’re a porcupine bristling in defense; no one can get close to us, unless they’re recognized as “friends” who never point out our faults, unless they’re committed to stroking our ego! Some friends! Leaving us to stew in our wickedness, until even Jesus refuses to admit we belong to Him!

You don’t want to agitate them, for fear they come after you in all their fury! So avoid them, appease them, stay off their enemy list.

Of course, there’s also the non-explosive type. They’re so quick to agree with you when you point out their weakness. But they have no intention of doing anything about it! They seem so humble and agreeable and contrite, but it’s just a different defense strategy, like The Blob™. They absorb everything thrown at them and only grow worse. What’s the point in talking to them? They’re not serious about changing. They figured out that if they’re quick to apologize and appear contrite, you’ll leave them alone. And you do, because they refuse to receive your help.

Jesus warned us, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces” (Matthew 7:6, NIV).

That should not be any of us who claim to believe in Jesus Christ. We all know who we were before coming to Christ. We all know we need to lay aside the old self with its deceitful desires. So we should all welcome the help of other ashamed and humble people.

Even if we’re surrounded by hypocrites who look down their haughty noses at us and gleefully point out all our faults and blast our failings to all their hypocrite friends, we should still be humble and grateful even for their erroneous accusations. Because we can still double-check our submission and obedience to the ways of Christ.

It doesn’t harm us if people accuse us of things we’re not actually guilty of. It doesn’t harm us if people blow our little faults all out of proportion! They’re not our judges! Christ is! And Christ sees the truth!

If we’re guilty of something, great! We can check into it! And if we discover we really do have a problem in that area, wonderful! We can now correct it! But if we discover we don’t have the problem others accuse us of, well, we should still keep watch, because we sure don’t want to develop that problem!

Our confidence comes from knowing the Word of God and what God actually calls sin and what He doesn’t! People have all kinds of things they get bent out of shape over. We don’t have to worry about their standards, but God’s. He alone is our Judge, so it is His Word we need to make sure we understand and follow.

Ah, but we’re talking about speaking up, not receiving. We need greater courage, yes, but we need greater love. Keeping silent, when we know a brother or sister is persisting in sin shows we care more about our safety and comfort than about the spiritual and eternal well-being of that brother or sister.

But it’s not within our power to change people; it’s only in our power to warn people. We need to remember that and not think more is expected of us—as individuals.

Ezekiel is a great example of this. Several times, God told him He was making him a watchman for the House of Israel, and several times He told Ezekiel exactly what his responsibility was: “But when I speak to you, I will open your mouth and you shall say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says.' Whoever will listen let him listen, and whoever will refuse let him refuse; for they are a rebellious house” (Ezekiel 3:27, NIV).

As brothers and sisters in Christ, our desire is to help each other grow, but it’s not within our power to make each other grow. The best we can do is speak up to warn against wrong behavior or to encourage right behavior. But what the other chooses, whether to listen to a life-giving rebuke or ignore it, that’s entirely up to them.

How We Lie

Ultimately, we’re lying to protect ourselves. To protect ourselves from having to change. To protect ourselves from getting in trouble, either for our own sin or by trying to help another out of theirs.

Falsehoods include saying nothing. Like pleading the Fifth Amendment! I don’t want to incriminate myself so I keep silent about myself. I’m withholding true things about myself or my circumstances, or about others and their sin.

Falsehoods include sharing only those true things that justify our wrong choices or behavior. Sharing only those things that make us look like the victims or that make us look innocent and better than we really are—which directly or indirectly implicates someone else as the cause of the problem, resulting in the slander of the other party! Is any problem between two people really the fault of only one of those people? Proverbs 18:17 (NIV) tells us, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.” We certainly don’t want anyone looking into all the facts, just the ones that lean in my favor.

Falsehoods include telling others only what they want to hear, true things, of course, but withholding things they need to hear. That inflates their ego and blinds them to their sin and makes them vulnerable to judgment. We call that “flattering.” And it’s all about protecting self rather than genuinely caring for the other. Not love. Why not rather sacrifice a little of yourself for their good. That’s agape love!

Falsehoods definitely include deliberately lying about a situation and circumstances or about others to protect ourselves or our loved ones. We can also lie to the faces of those who need correction, so that they cannot believe and accept their sin or need for repentance. This condemns them to judgment. All to selfishly protect ourselves from any blowback that might come our way.

Speak Truthfully

If we’re serious about growing in Christ, we must be willing to receive painful correction from others and to give painful correction to others. James 5:16 (NIV) tell us specifically to “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” We’re not supposed to be gathering gossip to blab to our other friends, but to genuinely be seeking the well-being and growth of those who belong to this fellowship.

We’re not called to be truthful only with those brothers and sisters we prefer, but with all our brothers and sisters, at least within our fellowship. We’re not permitted to have cliques or factions within our fellowship. We’re not permitted to play favorites. We all belong to one another, and we all need each other speaking up and speaking truthfully and sharing fully—if you want to grow, that is. We are all members of one another. We are all members of one body, Christ’s. Do not shun, do not harm a brother or sister for whom Christ died. Instead, die to yourself and help them.

The immature will make mistakes, but “we who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves” (Romans 15:1, NIV). We who are more mature, who know our God better, should be more trusting of our God, so that we can love and be vulnerable fearlessly, confident in God’s love for us, His acceptance of us, and His faithfulness to us. He already knows the depths of your depravity—that’s why He died for you and gave you an entirely new self and life. He won’t be surprised by anything that becomes exposed to all the rest of us.

Look around the room one more time. Do you care about the spiritual growth of these people? Do you love them and want them to grow in Christ’s ways, so that they receive an incredible welcome when they enter Christ’s presence? If you can’t say that you love and want to help and be helped by every believer in this room, then you need to work on...you.

Humble yourself. Come down off your high horse. Stop trying to be better than you really are, or to give or protect the impression that you are better than you are. Pray for yourself, that you would want growth in Christ more than anything else. Open yourself up to the examination of the rest of us. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Be truthful. Confess your sins to us, and renounce them. And find mercy. From us, yes. But most of all, from God Himself.

Then, with your own guard down and in the humility of wrestling with the log in your own eye, help the rest of us with the specks in our eyes (Matthew 7:3-5).